Under the Guava Tree

“They are coming to town!” people were all shouting and children were running fast from school. Everything seemed to be in panic. It was chaos in one bright morning of year 1941.
Ernesto Castro, a grade-two student of Manaog Elementary School, as usual, prepared himself for another day in school. But as he walked through the walkway of the Manaog shrine where he usually passed when walking to school, he saw children, some of them were his classmates, running fast and horribly from their school. Only then when he realized that classes were suspended and teachers advised the students that they will have a long rest for they don’t need to come to school for the next days because the Japanese were coming for invasion.
Unlike the frightened classmates, the eight-year-old boy joyfully went home and was happy to hear the news since no classes would mean a lot of time to play. He was the one who broke the news to his family. “Nanay, the Japanese are coming here!” he said excitedly. Terrified were his parents, they scolded Ernesto about the positive feelings he had for the coming of the Japanese. Horrified and clueless, Ernesto wondered why people were so scared of them.
Ernesto’s life with his family was hard. They belong to the lower class of the society. His parents do not have a day-job and they have difficulties providing their daily needs, sometimes even the basic ones.
The coming of the Japanese in the Philippines in year 1941 was a commonplace. When they entered Philippines, Manaog Elementary School became one of their evacuation areas and later became one of their headquarters as well.
When the Japanese first came in the Philippines, they were more of a friend than an enemy, except when one challenges them.

The Japanese Soldier
Had stopped from school, Ernesto as a young boy, had a lot of time playing and doing things that he wanted to do. One time, when he was out and was on a top of a tree getting guavas, on a nearby neighborhood, he met this Japanese soldier named Hitaski. Young Ernesto was amazed by his camouflage uniform and a set of firearms on his side and asked him if he wants some of his guavas. Hitaski was so stunned by the wit of the little boy.
The next day, while Ernesto was again out for a tree-climbing, he saw Hitaski again but this time, Hitaski has brought something for him. A paper and a pencil, which he said will be useful when the classes resume. Ernesto never felt that happiness he felt that day. That was the first time he had a new paper and pencil since the day he started schooling.
Ernesto and Hitaski met several times. After their first encounter, Ernesto would always climb on top of that guava tree where they first met and wait for Hitaski there.
They were both having fun with each other. Although they do not talk that much, because both know just a little about each other’s mother tongue, they had a harmonious friendship. Being the oldest child in the family, Ernesto felt as though he had an older brother.
Ernesto never told his parents about his new friend because he knew that when they find out that he is being close to a Japanese soldier, they would scold him and worse, they would not allow him to go out and he would never see Hitaski ever again.

The Last Encounter
Ernesto’s last encounter with Hitaski was during one sunny afternoon. Ernesto went to their meeting place, under the guava tree, and saw Hitaski there who brought some foods for them. They ate, played and as usual had story telling when Hitaski told him that he was not going to see Ernesto anymore since he was assigned to different place, somewhere far from Manaog. Having a real friend at eight, for the first time, Ernesto did not know how he would feel at first. Hitaski has been very close and very kind to him. He was almost like a brother and a father to him and for the first time in almost two months, he would lose him. As remembrance, and for Ernesto a sign of their friendship, Hitaski gave him the spoon which he used after their picnic under the guava tree that day and finally said goodbye to Ernesto. After that, Ernesto never saw Hitaski again.

The Cruelty Started To Unfold
People were all in terror and everything was mayhem. They have just heard that the Japanese were coming for attacks and they ruthlessly kill Filipinos who were against their administration. Everyone was looking for a place to evacuate and everybody was running and shouting. Even women, unmindful of themselves, ran across the river naked, in fright that Japanese soldier might captive them and make them their slaves.
The Japanese then began to attack the Philippines step by step. Clark Air Base in Pampanga was first attacked then Japanese forces landed at the Lingayen Gulf and then proceed to Manila. It was then when General Douglas MacArthur declared Manila as an open city. From there, the cruelty of the Japanese soldiers started to unfold.

Life Was Tough
Ernesto’s family also started to evacuate. They went to Barilao, Pangasinan and for the mean time stayed there with his family’s relatives and sometimes with his family’s friends. Their life became harder. His parents got every possible job that they could get to sustain their family’s basic needs. Their life for them became even tougher when Ernesto’s younger brother, Pedro, who has a cerebral pulse, became badly ill. They do not have enough money to send Pedro for medication plus medications during those times were very rare since Japanese wrath got worse and worse. There would come a time when they would have to dig under and make tunnels just to hide from the cruel Japanese soldiers. Their life was turmoil. They do not know how they will get the basic necessities that they need for survival.
Every morning, they come out of the tunnel to look for foods. People will get anything they could even if they were not sure if some of those were edible. That was the time when Filipinos invented exotic vegetables such as kangkong and malunggay. Before, those foods were given only to pigs but since the Japanese occupation, those have become part of a typical meal of almost all Filipinos.
Ernesto, at first, couldn’t believe that the people who were treating them badly were the Japanese soldiers whom Hitaski was a member of. He did not want to believe that Hitaski also could do things as cruel as what he was encountering. Ernesto was saddened by the fact that his first true friend could possibly be like the ruthless soldiers who were maltreating the Filipinos in some other place and could also possibly has killed lives of his countrymen.
Ernesto has witnessed an actual physical harassment of a Japanese soldier to a Filipino. One morning, when he was out of the tunnel, looking for food, he heard Japanese soldiers talking not far from where he was. Then he heard shouting and crying. He peeked from the bushes and saw that it was a Filipino who did not bow to them when they were on what they call the “Garrison” or a checkpoint. The Filipino man tortured by a Japanese soldier and Ernesto could hear the laughing of the others. Ernesto saw that Filipino and he would never forget the first time he actually witnessed harassment that bad. He could still remember how helpless and how pitiful that Filipino was, until now.
Because of extreme poverty that they experienced during the war, Pedro, Ernesto’s younger brother died. Ernesto, at an early age who experienced those kinds of incidents, has grown matured and strong. After years of famine and deprivation, Ernesto seemed to have become immune from suffering.

The Comeback
When General Douglas MacArthur has returned to the Philippines in 1944, as he promised, together with his American soldiers who have just gone from the United States to undergo several trainings, the real war between the Japanese and the Americans had started. They attacked all the Japanese headquarters then and there. It took them weeks of intense fighting before the Japanese finally surrendered and on July of 1945, Philippines has received its freedom back from the Japanese with the help of the Americans. That was the end of the Japanese cruelty in the Philippines.

The Guava Tree
The end of the Japanese cruelty was also the end of Ernesto’s friendship with Hitaski as he knew it, because although Hitaski said goodbye to him during the war, he knew that there is still a possibility that they could meet again and be just like what they used to be but after the Japanese have left the Philippines, he knew that it was really the end.
After the war, Ernesto’s family has gone back to their house in Manaog. He also was back in school and restarted as grade-two student. When walking to school, he would passed the guava tree where he had all the memories of Hitaski, his first true friend, and he could still the recall the stories they used to tell and the games they played.
It was so strange that Ernesto has met his first true friend amidst the war but it was stranger that the first true friend that he met during the war belonged to the enemy of his country. But even though that was the case, Ernesto never had anger to Hitaski.
The paper and the pencil that Hitaski gave to him were lost during the war but the spoon that Hitaski used during their last picnic is still with him and is still classified as one of the most precious things that he has.

NATURE WRATH

Wednesday, July 14, 2010
2:24 AM


Heavy storm. Roofs are breaking. Literally. The anguish of the wind just gets stronger and stronger. What should people do? Thank that they have a home or a house at least, that could give them protection when tortures of nature like this bang them. That is one thing I realized tonight, while listening to the wrath of nature. Oh my mother! She seems really, really mad to people. Honestly, I'm shaking. I'm thinking if I SHOULD cry. Honestly, I don't know what else to say. I don't know what to do….. Can't help thinking about other people.. Who are homeless, the unfortunate, those who are on street, those who are in travel, those who are greatly affected (well, I could say, we are greatly affected). By now, I can hear "hammering". On the neighborhood. Surely I'll post this on my blog WHENEVER electricity gets back. Think it'll be back for more couple of days. I can't say how destructive this storm is. I'm here, inside my room. Everything locked, and closed. But then I can still hear everything. What more if I open one window? What more if I were outside? -- LET'S PRAY. LORD, PROTECT US. PROTECT YOUR PEOPLE.

BAGUIO CITY - A Feature Article

First of all, this is a school paper.


BAGUIO CITY – A Sneak Peek

Known as the Summer Capital of the Philippines and the City of Pines, Baguio City throughout the years has always been one of the country’s most beautiful attractions. Located in the Northern part of Luzon, Baguio city was established by the Americans in the year 1990 at the site of an Ibaloi village known as Kafagway. There are three main accessible roads from the lowlands leading to the mountainous lands of Baguio which are the Kennon Road, the Marcos Highway now known as Aspiras-Palispis Highway, and the Quirino Highway. The fastest way to get to Baguio by land is to access the Kennon Road, which will take a 6-hour-travel from Manila. However, it is also very dangerous to take the Kennon Road especially during rainy seasons because it is prone to landslides but despite the perilous route, it still remains as the most popular route among tourists because it gives you magnificent view of the green mountains and spectacular waterfalls. Plus, it gives you the experience of a real life roller coaster ride because of the curves and bends that your car will experience as it climbs up to the top.

Experience the Cold Breeze!

There is no doubt that Baguio is one of the most visited spots in the Philippines according to surveys especially during summer. People from different parts of the country even from different parts of the world who would like to escape the torrent of heat during summer months would not miss the cold weather that Baguio city offers from time to time. It is the only place here in the Philippines where you can find yourself wearing a sweater even in a very hot day. It is found that the average temperature there ranges from 15 to 23 degree Celsius – 8-degree-Celsius lower than the temperature of the rest cities in the country. Who would believe that a cool, cool weather lies already about 45 minutes away from the city?

A Real Beauty

As one of the Philippines’ beautiful attractions, Baguio city is very unique through its green setting that puts anything relaxed and calmed. Then and now, the city has always been very popular in and outside the country because of its cool natural beauty. Although the city had experienced lots of earthquakes and landslides, it withstood through the years and remained as the City Garden of the Philippines. There are also many stories, some written in articles, some told by folks, about Baguio, being one of the most haunted places in the country because of the 1990 Luzon earthquake that caused severe damage to the city which also resulted to lots of deaths and destructions. But in spite of those rumors and all, Baguio is still a face of beauty to many people all over the world and one of the most visited places in the Philippines.
The Burnham Park, also known as the mother of all the parks in Baguio, is named after its city planner, Daniel Burnham. It has a very admiring landscape where you can relax and free yourself from any other worries you have. This is a place where you can have a quality time spent with your family because it also offers amusement like there is a man-made lake located at the heart of the city where you can row a boat. It is also a good place to have a picnic, to go biking or to go strolling. There are also skating rink, tennis and basketball courts, and few restaurants around the Burnham Park.
The definition of a real beauty can be found in the Mines View Park. It is no doubt, the most popular and the most visited spot in Baguio city. It gives you a very spectacular panorama of Benguet’s gold and copper mines and the gigantic mountains nearby. It is definitely the place you should not miss when you visit Baguio and absolutely the perfect place for picture takings. There are also souvenirs stalls where you can buy Baguio’s very own products without costing you a fortune.
Consider as one of the picturesque parks in Baguio, the Wright Park is located at the eastern part of the city. Like the Burnham Park, this park also offers amusement for everyone. There are many food stalls scattered around the park and there are horses ready for back rides among children as well as adults.
Wright Park is the best at night. It is when you can fully appreciate the tall pines especially when they are surrounded by lights of different colors and striking decorations. The Philippine Military Academy (PMA) is also one of the most popular places in Baguio. It is the ‘premier’ military institution in the Philippines that serves as the training ground for future officers of the Armed Forces of the Philippines (AFP).
Aside from the Burnham Park, Mines View Park, Wright Park and PMA, there are many more that you can be found in the heart of just one city, Baguio; A proof that it is indeed, a real beauty.

People and Culture

The first groups of people in Baguio city were the Igorot, the Ibaloi of Benguet, the Kananai of Lepanto, the Bontoks and the Ifugaos. Then there came the Ilocanos, the Tinguians, the Apayaos and the western Kalingas who later developed their own organizations and institutions that they brought together and adapted in their new habitat then soon formed their own culture. During the fourth month of February, they celebrate the very popular, Panagbenga festival also known as the flower festival that shows the many floral floats and native dances, presenting one of the city’s wealth, the flowers, through a two-day parade and a big celebration.


FOR FEATURE WRITING CLASS. I CHOSE BAGUIO. :)

JUNE16

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

7:03 AM

Okay. Then third year begins here..

I hate it when I count the number of hours I slept and find out that I got only 3 or 4. AWFUL. I don't know why is it always like this? Or why am I always like this? I don't know where I get that sleeping problem. But I'm pretty sure, IT SHOULD BE GIVEN THE ATTENTION NOW. It's not just a simple sleeping problem, I think. And I don’t want to bring it 'til my working life! It's 7AM. I slept 4AM.

I don't how this third year will start. One is for sure. I'll be busy. Plus I won't get to see you that often. I mean YOU literally (the blog).

I'M LIKE DROOLING IN MY DREAMS.. I TOTALLY FEEL LIKE A ZOMBIE BUT CAN'T SLEEP ANY LONGER.. That's why I talked to you.

Anyway, yesterday was a very FUN DAY! Yes, literally. Because I'm with my dorm mates again. You know, the crazy little things we do like mentally ill idiots. AND WE DON'T CARE. WE'RE HAVING FUN! AND I MISSED LAGUHING WITH THEM SOOOO OUT LOUD.

Goodluck to school, by the way.

ENDS HERE..

Inspired by D.S

Monday, June 07, 2010

2:34 AM

Look! I made this one long, long time ago! Joke :) 2 years ago, I guess? And I was inspired by Danielle Steel. I used to read lots of her novels during my first semestral break in college and I find it really great! I wanna be like her and the other novelists! Hahahaha! At least I'm aspiring. Here's the first two paragraph of the said "Joanne's first novel" HAHAHAHA

It was one of those calm afternoons of August as Jessica Flores sat at a limousine heading to Manila Cathedral. She was wearing a white long gown which she paired with dazzling glass sandals and a medium sized veil attached on her hairdo covering her face. She was wearing a white pearl earrings and the makeup she was wearing made her more beautiful than ever. She looked simple as she was but appeared to be much more elegant and sophisticated. It was the most important event of her life that she has been waiting for years. And now, the day had come, her wedding day. She was feeling anxious and excited and overwhelmed as the limousine stopped and reached the church. She got out of the car with her best smile. She knew from her heart of hearts that after this day, her life would never be the same as it was before because she will no longer live her life alone but would share it to the man she loved for so many years, to the one whom she was destined for, and to the man of her life, Raphael Samson.

She was holding a bouquet as she walked through the aisle scattered with lovely flowers with her father on the right. She almost felt as though her heart will come out of her when her eyes met Raphael’s, which at that time, were as teary as hers. You can see in her face as she walked passing through the people who loved them the happiness she felt for that event of her life. She thought of all the sweet moments she had shared with Rafi as well as the bitter ones. Those were the things she never regretted because she knew that those memories were the ones which led them to where they were now. She was always grateful, what a long journey they have traveled.

Pasted from file:///C:\Documents%20and%20Settings\joanne\My%20Documents\JoAnNE_17\love%20story.doc

This is what I love in OneNote, it acknowledges the source. Hahahaha! Anyway, I want this story to be like our story in a way but not totally. I will just want some similarities and differences but the pattern is same. The difference of the story from the reality is that it has an ending while reality, as it seem to be, doesn't have an ending. Here in this story, the story ends with the beginning. Hahaha it's kinda like, vague but actually not. It's just not arranged chronologically coz I don't want one like that. It's boring. So, here the story ends with the wedding which is also the beginning but in reality, if we'll get married, our wedding will just be the beginning. Okay I don't understand myself. HAHAHA! It's 2:47am.

THIS IS A TOTAL CRAP. ISN'T IT?

LAME

Sunday, May 30, 2010

12:03 AM

Would you believe me if I say, I broke up with him just a while ago through the phone? LAMEEE. Dumb. I don't know why? Siguro, I have my reasons naman but I don't think they're good enough to break a 5-year old relationship. Alam ko namang hindi kami magbbreak. Not because of that. Hello naman! Masyado ko siyang mahal para iwan ng ganun ganun na lang! Parang lahat ng bagay kaya kong tiisin para sa kanya. Siguro ano lang.. Masyado lang akong, dramatic? Eh para kasing. Diba nga sabi ko kagabi nawawalan na ko ng gana sa kanya parang hindi ko na siya mahal. Naiinitindihan ko naman yung sarili ko. Syempre, normal lang naman na paminsan minsan, eh maramdaman ko yung mga ganung feeling. Siya din naman siguro, paminsan minsan. Syempre kasi hindi naman every single day masaya kayo at inlove. Pero sigurado akong every single day, mahal namin ang isa't-isa. Pero sa tinign mo ba sapat na yun?

Mahal na mahal ko siya at gusto ko siya. Pero ang arte ko, nakipag break ako. Kahit na alam kong hindi naman yun magtatagal, may impact padin. Ay ewan. Itong mga 'to nasasabi ko lang sa side ko. I don't know with him. Baka wala lang naman pala sa kanya. Baka mas gusto pa niya.. Alam mo yun? Isa ding factor kaya ko sinabi na break na kami, eh yung reaction niya after ko sabihin. Dahil sa masyado ko siyang mahal, gusto kong malaman kung affected ba siya or what. Feeling ko naman, affected siya. Hindi ko lang alam kung GAANO siya ka affected. Ayoko namang masaktan siya pero kung nasasaktan siya, edi magbabalikan na kami. Kikiligin lang ako nun lalo. Tska hindi ko naman siya matiis. Kapag ganito, mas lalo ko lang siyang naiisip. Siguro nga tama lang yung ginawa ko. Kasi parang nawawala na yung spirit eh. Parang nawawala na yung.. Yung.. Aroma ng love ko sa kanya. Medyo hindi ko na naffeel these past days. Pero ngayon, feel na feel ko na ulit eh. Hahahaaha! Pero maghihintay muna ako ng resulta. Hindi ko alam, baka mamaya, kailangan din pala niya nito. Nakakalungkot pag ganon pero okay lang. Hindi naman siguro masyadong magiging masakit kasi alam kong hinihingi ng pagkakataon. Baka pareho naming kailangan. OH? Pero siya ang kailangan ko! HAHAHAH! Bahala na kung anong mangyayari, basta ang alam ko, ikakasal ako sa kanya. Wala ng iba… Maayos namin 'to. May tiwala ako sa'min. :) Sabi pa niya kanina okay lang daw kasi napapansin niya parang wala na din namang nangyayari. Medyo na move ako dun kahit alam kong sinabi niya lang yun dahil literal lang na ganun. Bakit ano bang dapat mangyari? Kapag nagkita kami, ano bang gagawin? Physically together. Yun lang ang kaibahan. Pero kahit kailan naman, sa limang taon naming magkasama, mas maraming araw siguro na hindi kami magkasama, pero hinding hindi ko naramdaman na magkalayo kami. Namimiss ko siya physically. Pero yung presence niya sa araw-araw na buhay ko, sobrang feel na feel ko. Ewan ko ba, love is really amazing. The word magic is for love alone. Yung walang explanation kung bakit ganon. Basta ganon lang siya. Hindi ko alam. Mahal ko siya. At mahal ko siya, hindi ko alam kung bakit? Kaya nga kahit hindi kami nagkikita hindi nagbabago yung pagmamahal ko sa kanya. Kasi love nga eh. It hopes, it believes, it trusts, it endures, it waits. Maybe he doesn't know how he makes me happy every day in my life.

Hay nako Reinnier Sanchez. Ang pag-ibig nga naman! Ano't ano pa man eh, ikaw talaga ang sinisigaw ng puso ko. :)))))))))))))) Hindi ka lang madrama. Hindi mo ma feel yung gusto ko sana nafefeel mo sa mga sinasabi ko. Pero hayaan mo na.

BAKIT BA KO NAKIPAG BREAK?

Kasi UNREASONABLE. Ayoko nalang. Hahaha! Hindi ko kasi maipaliwanag eh. Siguro, gusto ko lang ng break. Yun lang. Medyo kasi hindi ko na siya nararamdaman. Pwede na ba yun? Parang nakukulangan ako sa kanya. Ganun. Pero no doubt, I love him.

Ironic eh? Mas mahal ko siya, pero ako lagi yung nakikipag break.

MAS MAHAL? Hindi nga pala ganun yun. Walang mas o higit na nagmamahal sa isang relasyon. Magkaiba lang kayo ng paraan ng pagmamahal. <-- Very well expressed. Source: You changed my life <)

It's June 6 - 1:15AM -> I reread this. And wow. Hahaha! I CAN’T IMAGINE HOW LOVE CHANGED ME. THE WAY I THINK, THE WAY I REASON OUT, THE WAY I ACT AND THE WAY I PERCEIVE THINGS. IT MADE ME BECOME A BETTER PERSON. AND I THINK I'VE REALLY GROWN-UP (not literally)! :))

Anyway, Sa tingin mo gano katagal tumagal yang break na sinabi ko? Isang araw.:| First of all, hindi ako papansin at nakipag break dahil gusto ko ng thrill! I came up with that decision dahil feeling ko kailangan ko. At kailangan ko naman talaga but one day break was enough. That's why it is called BREAK!! I think it's different from a BREAK-UP? And I didn't say BREAK with the UP! Wait, (scrolls up) Sorry I said it pala. Uh. Do I make sense? I don't care. :)) And I'm not so sure. Basta we love each other. END OF STORY! Dramas are allowed :|

BABY

Sunday, May 23, 2010

1:03 AM

Baby! I love you. And I am literally CRAZY about you. I've been saving pictures from your profile, cropping it and making it as my wallpaper, setting it as "tile" para marami. 1:07 na bebe. Hindi pa ako makakatulog nito. Kung pwede lang sanang 24/7 tayo. Imposible naman yun, diba? Kelan pa ako huling gumawa ng ganito na para sayo? Medyo matagal na din. Bata pa yata ako nun. Eh, wala lang. Gusto lang kitang kausapin.

May 29? 1:42.. hulaan mo? AM PM? Alam na.

Hay nako, hindi na yata kita mahal. Ngayong gabi na naman. Feeling ko nagsasawa na ko sa ganun. Sa hindi tayo ano.. Ano ba? Ewan. Nakakainis lang kasi, parang iba ka kapag talaga iba na yung kasama mo. Medyo naiinitindihan ko naman kaso lang ayoko ng ganun. Oo, naiintindihan ko nga. Pero iba ang gusto ko. Gusto ko, yung parang wala lang. Yung kahit sa kaninong tao tayo nakaharap, ganun padin tayo. Ay hindi. Hindi pala, sorry. Joke lang! Hindi ko na alam eh? I just think we're.. Dull. Today? No. ALL I WANT IS FOR US TO BE US. NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS. I WANT TO BE JUST LIKE WHAT WE ARE WHEN WE TWO ARE ALONE TOGETHER, WHEN WE ARE WITH SOMEBODY ELSE, PARTICULARLY OUR FRIENDS. I THINK THAT'S OUR PROBLEM. IT'S NOT YOU ONLY. IT'S ALSO ME. K. GOODNIGHT, I really do think and believe that I LOVE YOU thought can't feel it tonight. Or at least I feel I don't love you anymore.. OH MY GOSH. that's our pussies I hear! KUMA, TOTOY, RANJ AND MUNING. TSSSSK.

ANY THNG UNDR THE SUN

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

9:01 PM

I just realized I want to write, freely. What would I say when I read this after five years??

Bata palang ako mahilig na 'kong magdiary! At good thing naitago ko silang lahat. Magmula sa mga notebooks na yun simula nung elementary, hanggang sa desktop computer namin sa MS Word, hanggang sa laptop na 'to sa OneNote. Siguro, mahilig nga talaga akong magsulat. Ewan ko kung matatawag kong kahiligan yun sa pagsusulat. Baka kasi pinipilit ko na naman! Hahaha! Ayokong magkunwari naman sa sarili ko. Pero sa tingin ko, siguro, pwede.. Kahiligan sa pagsulat at kahiligan sa pag sheshare ng mga nasa isip ko. Eh bakit kelangan sa mga bagay ko ilagay o sabihin yung mga nasa isip ko? Bakit, wala ba akong kaibigan?? Hahahaha! Hindi naman siguro sa ganon. Sige nga! Ikaw nga, sabihin mo lahat ng naiisip mo sa kaibigan mong tao, kung di ba naman siya mairita sayo at baka matawag ka pang freak! (Time first! Nainis kasi ako kay Patrick, PBB Teen 2010! Lumalandi sa loob, eh may girlfriend!) Hindi ko lang alam kung bakit sa mga simpleng bagay na naiisip ko, o pag pakiramdam ko may naiisip akong kakaiba, feel na feel kong magsulat/magshare. Siguro kasi din, mahilig akong mag reminisce! Hahahaha! Basta! Madami akong gustong sabihin! Madami sinasabi yung isip ko sa sarili ko. At sa tingin ko, naoorganize ko lahat ng naiisip ko na yun sa pamamagitan ng pagsulat. Katulad nito. Hindi ko alam kung bakit bigla akong nagbukas ng laptop at nagsulat bigla.. At habang sinusulat ko yung mga nasa isip ko, padami ng padami at palawak pa ng palawak yung mga pumapasok sa isip ko na related din sa mga naiisip ko. Hahaha! Siguro mind is great. That explains it. Siguro ganito kagaling ang isip ng tao, NAKAKA AMAZE! Ang daming alam! Eh, mas magaling naman Yung may gawa ng isip. Gaano pa Siya kagaling? Walang makaka imagine. WALA!

COCOMARTIN AND ALBERTMARTINEZ, PAGSUSULAT, DIARIES OF OLD MEMORIES (who WAS Joanne?) AND SOME OTHER STORIES THAT WILL COME OUT WITH THESE… :)))

Ang hirap mag organize ng thoughts! Hahahaha! Sorrry. I really, really, really want to write about the topics above! I want to see what's my say with those.. Kasi interesting at… I don't know? I just want to say what's my say.

CocoMartin and AlbertMartinez! Sorry ah. Crush ko sila. I know right?? Matanda na si Albert Martinez at hindi naman ganun kagwapo si Coco Martin. Pero gusto ko sila! EEEEHHHHH! Nanonood kasi ako (kanina, kasi Rubi na ngayon) ng ano ba yun.. Kung tayo'y magkakalayo? Eh main casts dun silang dalawa tapos mag ama pa sila tapos… aaaaahhhh! Hahahahaha! Ewan ko ba. Ganun ang type kong lalaki, feeling ko. Haha! Attracted ako sa mga "suplado type" na lalaki. And yung, parang pa bad boy ganun. Eewwee Nakokornihan ako sa mga pinagsasabi ko! Hahaha! I don't know how to describe eeeh. Basta, mga ganung tipo. Pero hindi rin eh kasi minsan iba iba rin. Hahaha! Ang dami kong crush pero kaya nga crush. There's just certain thing about him that you like. Katulad ni Chito Miranda. Crush ko siya kasi gusto ko siyang kumanta. Marami pa kong mga ganun. Yung tipong pang isang araw lang na crush. Kaya nga kasi crush diba? Sa totoo lang, si Coco Martin, hindi ko lang siya like, gusto ko siya! Hahaha! Hindi ko alam kung bakit. Pero si bebe ko, hindi ko siya crush. Wala akong gusto sa kanya, pero mahal ko siya. Mahal na mahal. Minsan, crush ko din siya, syempre, attracted din ako sakanya. At may mga times na super gustong gusto ko siya! Pero may isang hindi nagbabago sa araw-araw, MAHAL KO SIYA kahit kapag nagaaway kami at inis na inis ako sakanya, kahit minsan may mga bagay na ayoko sa kanya. Siguro yun

na nga ang tinatawag na unconditional love.

Actually, wala talaga akong ganang mag sulat/type ngayon. Nagpapaantok lang. Kasi tinuloy ko lang 'to. May21 na ngayon at birthday ni Egy. Hindi ako pumunta. Kasi sigurado namang hindi ako papayagan. Hello? Pampanga, overnight.

Dahil nga ibang araw na ngayon, medyo naiba narin yung interes ko sa mga topic na gusto kong isulat para mabasa ko mismo kung anong mga naiisip ko. Sa ngayon, ang nasa isip ko, "I REALLY LOVE TO PERFORM" nanood kasi ako ng PBB kanina at nag perform yung dalawang magka-clash na grupo. Namiss ko tuloy mag perform. Like, play, theater.. Feeling ko kasi sa sarili ko talented ako. At sa tinign ko hindi ko pinipilit lang na talented ako. Eh bat ko naman pipilitin, edi niloko ko ang sarili ko dahil wala namang ibang makakabasa nito kundi ako. Bakit ko pa yayabangan ang sarili ko diba? Haha! Yun nga. Hindi naman sa talagang talented as in maraming alam gawin ng MAHUSAY. Hindi naman sa ganon kahusay. Sa tingin ko lang, marami akong kaya. Almost, kahit ano. Ewan ko ba. O siguro nagagawa ko dahil gusto ko yung ganon. Iba kasi talaga kapag mahal mo yung ginagawa mo. O ayan! May naiisip na naman akong hindi masyadong maganda. Alam mo na. May kinalaman syempre sa kursong journalism. Alam mo, mahilig naman talaga akong magsulat eh, obvious ba. Pero sabi ko nga sayo,, anu ba yan! Ayoko na ngang problemahin. Tama na nga eh. Okay na 'to.

Iba na 'tong topic na 'to. Tungkol naman sa klase ng pagsusulat ko, then and now. Actually, hindi naman talaga ibang topic. Syempre, lahat 'to magkakadugtong. Nabubuhayan na ulit kasi yung isip ko, dumadaldal na naman. Napaka raming gustong sabihin. Feeling niya eh, kaya kong irecord lahat dito lahat ng sinsabi niya. Anyway, bakasyon ngayon. At alam mo ba, halos 4 na ng umaga ako lagi nakakatulog. Katulad ngayon, 12:10 am palang, hindi pa ko inaantok kaya nag-iisip ako ng pwede kong gawing libangan para may magawa naman. At napili ko ngang magsulat. Pero hindi araw-araw. Ngayon lang. Minsan at kadalasan, inuubos ko ang oras sa pag-iisip at pag iimagine. Alam mo, kung ibang tao ako, makacrushan ko yung sarili ko. Ayy? Parang off topic naman yung sinabi ko. At yun nga! Kasi nitong mga nakaraang araw, nahihilig ako sa pagkakalikot ng mga lumang bagay na naitago ko pa. Kasi ang sarap nga naman mag reminisce. Eh, nakita ko yung mga notebooks ko na diary ko dati. Pari rin yung ilang sinulat ko sa MS Word 2003 sa computer namin tska yung most recent na OLD notebook nadin na mga sms memories naman pero hindi kasi yun diary. Parang kung kelan ko lang maisipan katulad nito tska different topics din. Pero halos lahat tungkol sa bebe ko. Nakakadala yung nung nagbreak kami. Makikita mo talaga yung sincerity sa mga sinusulat ko nun. May puso kahit pa medyo nakakairita yung style ng pagsulat. Simula kasi nung nadiscover ko 'to, hindi na ko nagsusulat sa notebook. Kung ano anong tapic yung parang naging theme nitong digital notebook ko. Wala ng personal experiences. Kaya nung nabasa ko yun, naisip kong gumawa ng parang anything under the sun.. Basta yung totoo lang. Yung natural lang. Walang arte o kung anu man. Yung diretso galing sa isip. Kaya nga Tagalog. Hindi ko naman sinasabi na plastik yung iba kong sinulat dito. Syempre with feelings din yun. Hindi ko naman maisusulat kung walang damdamin at hindi galing sa puso. Sa tingin ko lang, better yung ganito. Pero hindi ko din maicocompare kasi magkaiba naman yung scope. Siguro lang, dapat hindi ko alisin yung ganitong style. Hindi porket nag level up na, (you know what I mean) eh iiwan na yung nakagisnang gawi. Yun lang naman. At isa pa, mas masarap magkwento kapag natural yung pagkakagamit ng mga salita. Tignan mo nga, mas mahaba ang mga nagagawa ko pag Tagalog. Syempre, Pilipino ako. At grabe ha! Inlove na inlove na ako sa pagiging Pilipino. At sa tingin ko rin, mas tumalino talaga ako ngayon (literally. Information). Sobrang daming natutunan. Thanks to UST, AB!! I belong. :)

YUN. SA TINGIN KO, WALA NA KONG MAIDUDUGTONG PA. I SCROLLED UP AND LOOKED IF I MISSED SOMETHING. Dun sa mga topics sa taas. Kasi after that smiley, tapos na eh. Parang na satisfy na ako. Yun nga! Okay na lahat ng gusto ko sabihin. I THINK I'VE SAID IT ALL. GOODNIGHT! :-*

Ang Ating Istorya: The Writer's Cut

Tuesday, May 04, 2010

11:39 PM

UNA SA LAHAT, HINDI ITO MADRAMA.

"II-MAHOGANY" ANG SABI NG PUTING PAPEL NA NAKA PASKIL SA GYM NG SOUTHERNSIDE MONTESSORI SCHOOL BAGO MAG PASUKAN NOONG YEAR 2005.

II-MAHOGANY AKO.

FIRST TIME KONG MAG TRANSFER NG ESKWELAHAN. AT MASAMA PA ANG LOOB KO DAHIL KUNG HINDI DAHIL SA BAGONG PATAKARAN NA PINATUPAD NG ESKWELAHANG PINANGGALINGAN KO, HINDI SANA AKO KINAKABAHAN SA UNANG ARAW KO SA 2ND YEAR.

PUMASOK AKO SA ROOM 301 NG MT. APO BUILDING. PAG PASOK KO, GUSTO KO NG LUMABAS, UMUWI AT UMIYAK. BAGONG BAGO ANG LAHAT SA AKIN. MASAYANG MASAYA YUNG IBA KONG MGA KAKLASE LALO NA YUNG GRUPO NG MGA LALAKI DOON NA SOBRANG GULO. AT AKO, :l

WALA AKONG KAALAM-ALAM NA SA KLASENG 'YON KO PALA MAKILALA ANG LALAKING PAPAKASALAN KO…….

JUNE 15, 2005

~ Naka blue na t-shirt ka non at naka UNIFORM ako. Sa totoo lang, ang angas ng dating mo! Ang gulo gulo niyo nila Archie at Alon. Parang kayo lang ang mga tao sa room! Edi kayo na ngang sikat. Naririnig ko pa na parang nagpapayabangan kayo ng bag. HAHAHAHAHA. Natakot pa nga ako nung lumapit si Alon tapos hinihingi yung number ko. At Binigay ko naman. Nakakahiya namang magmaganda eh. HAHAHAHA.

~ Hindi ko gusto ang ugali mo non. Dahil hindi pa nga kita kilala. Ang alam ko lang sayo, papansin, magulo, mayabang at walang alam. PERO NAGKAMALI AKO. Magaling ka pala at paborito ka ng mga teachers lalo na sa MATH!!!!!!! Alam mo ba yung kay maam Bucalbos? Team game yun tapos kayo yung nanalo kasi sagot ka ng sagot. Tapos nainis ako sayo kasi parang nagagalingan mo ako! Eh nainis pa naman ako nung nag class officer election at IKAW ANG NAGING VICE PRESIDENT AT AKO, SECRETARY LANG.

~ Lumipas ang mga araw, at MAY NAGTEXT!!!! "Pwede ba kitang ligawan!?" by unknown number. At talagang "!?" ganyan ang punctuation marks! Hindi ko alam kung bakit pero nagload pa ako non para itanong kung sino! HAHAHAHAHAHA tapos sabi mo si Reinnier Sanchez. Hindi ako naniwala.

~ Hindi talaga tayo close non at hindi tayo nag uusap. Pero bago mag flag ceremony nung kinaumagahan pag tapos ko nabasa yung text na yunnilapitan kita at tinanong. "Uy, ikaw ba yung nagtext kagabi?" Parang ayaw mo ng magsalita AT NATATAWA AKO NGAYON HABANG NAALALA KO!!! HAHAHAHA tapos ayun nga. Sabi mo, oo tapos umalis ka na agad , dahil ibang klase kang manligaw. Bawal magsalita. HAHAHAHA

~ May mga nagsasabi pa sakin non na wag kitang sasagutin dahil lolokohin mo lang ako. At buti nalang hindi ako naniwala! HAHAHAHA

~ Lumipas ang mga araw at palagi kang nagpapadala ng mga love quotes at tumatawag sa telepono para tanungin lang kung anong ginagawa ko! Tapos binababa mo na agad. TSSSSSSK. Pano ba naman ako maiinlove sayo niyan??

~ Pag high school, uso yung pagtatanong ng "ano? Seryoso ka ba talaga sakin?" HAHAHAHA! At syempre, oo ang isinasagot mo kapag tinatanong kita ng ganyan.

~ Birthday mo na bukas! Naririnig ko nag-aaya ka ng mga kaibigan mo. Punta daw sila sa bahay niyo. Sabi mo sakin, wag akong mawawala sa birthday mo.

~ August 17, 2005. Wala talaga akong kabalak balak na pumunta sa birthday mo kasi ma O.O.P lang ako dun. Uwian na nun. Tatakasan dapat kita kaya lang nakita mo ako. Dahil nahihiya ka sakin, mga kaibigan mo ang nakapag pa "oo" sakin na sumama. Nakakahiyang tumanggi. Wala na akong nagawa. Salamat sa mga kaibigan mong sina Rig, Vitto, Alon, Archie at Mico.

~ NASA TRICYCLE TAYO PAPUNTA SA INYO. NAHIHIYA AKO SAYO KASI FIRST TIME NATING MAGTABI. At ngayon lang ako kinilig habang inaalala ko! Hahahaha! AT YUN NGA, MAY TINANONG KA SAKIN. HABANG TINATANONG MO, BIGLANG UMULAN AT PABABA YUNG TRICYCLE. SO, MAINGAY. ANG SABI MO PALA, "pwede na ba kitang maging girlfriend?" ANG RINIG KO… "pwede ba kitang maging ring BERER" HAHAHAHA sabi ko tuloy. "EWAN KO." HAHAHA sorrryyyyyyy naaaaa…. :)))))))

~ Nasa bahay niyo na tayo. Nagulat ako dahil kilala na ako ng pamilya mo. NGAYON LANG DIN AKO NATOUCH HABANG NAAALALA KO. Pero siguro hindi yun ka touch touch dahil sadyang madaldal ka lang talaga at panay ka kwento. So, ayun kumain tayo. Tapos hindi ako uminom kasi HINDI MO KO NABIGYAN NG BASO! AT NAHIHIYA AKONG MAGSABE! Ito siguro ang hindi mo pa alam. Hahahaha!

~ Tapos na ang kainan at nasa terrace tayo. May tugtog, Crazy For You by Sponge Cola! Na theme song natin kamo! HAHAHAHAHA! Pinipilit nila akong pasagutin na non pero ayoko pa talagang magka boyfriend. Pero nahihiya ako sayo! Nagsisi tuloy ako kung bakit pinaabot ko pa sa ganon kung di naman kita sasagutin. Pero nangari yun. At siguro, dapat talagang mangyari. Hindi ko din alam kung bakit sa mga lalaking nagkagusto sakin non, YEEEESSSSSSSSSS!!!! Ikaw lang ang binigyan ko ng pansin. Siguro noon palang, kahit hindi pa kita gusto, alam na ng puso ko na mamahalin kita. :)

PAG TAPOS NON, ITO NA TAYO. HINDI KO ALAM KUNG BAKIT PARANG ANG BILIS. HINDI KO NAMALAYAN. LIMANG TAON NA PALA ANG LUMIPAS. AT SA LIMANG TAON NA YUN, MARAMING PAGBABAGONG NANGYARI SA BUHAY KO. MARAMI NA TAYONG PINAG DAANAN AT KARAMIHAN SA MGA 'YON AY HINDI SIMPLE LANG. PERO DAHIL TOTOO ANG PAGMAMAHAL NATIN SA ISA'T-ISA, NALAMPASAN NATIN LAHAT YUN. ALAM KO MGA BATA PA TAYO AT MARAMI PANG PROBLEMANG DARATING, SABI MO NGA. PERO DAHIL SA'YO, NAPATUNAYAN KO NA ANG PAG-IBIG AY TUNAY NA DAKILA. MASASABI KONG TUMANDA NA AKO. HINDI LANG DAHIL SA MGA TAONG LUMIPAS KUNDI DAHIL DIN SA MGA ARAL NA TINURO SA 'KIN NG BUHAY NUNG DUMATING KA. MASAYANG MA-INLOVE PERO HINDI MADALI. LALO NA KAPAG UNCONDITIONAL LOVE NA ITO. MARAMING BESES KANG KAILANGAN MAG SAKRIPISYO. PIPILITIN MONG INTINDIHIN ANG MGA BAGAY NA MINSAN SADYANG MAHIRAP INTINDIHIN, MARAMING BESES NA KAILANGAN MONG MAGPAKABABA AT PAMINSAN MINSAN, GAGAWIN KA NITONG TANGA. PERO SA BANDANG HULI, HINDI KA MAGSISISI DAHIL MAREREALIZE MONG, IKAW ANG PANALO DAHIL IKAW ANG NATUTO.

OO, MAGKAIBA TAYO. HINDI TAYO NAGKAKASUNDO SA MARAMING BAGAY. PERO MAY ISANG BAGAY NA SIGURADO, MAHAL NATIN ANG ISA'T ISA. AT SA TINGIN KO, SAPAT NA YUN PARA SA HABANG BUHAY. SA DAMI NG PINAGSAMAHAN NATIN, SA LAHAT NG MASASAYA AT MALULUNGKOT NA ARAW, NI ISANG PANGYAYARI SA BUHAY KO SIMULA NUNG NAKILALA KITA, WALA AKONG PINAGSISIHAN. MARAMING MGA BAGAY NA ANG SUMUBOK SA PAGMAMAHALAN NATIN, PERO NANATILI PARIN TAYONG MAGKAHAWAK KAMAY.

Nung una, hindi ko na talaga inasahan na mag wowork ang relasyon natin dahil una sa lahat, hindi kita kaibigan. Pero masyadong mahiwaga ang buhay. Ang totoo lang naman sa mundo ay, hindi natin alam kung ano ang mangyayari mamaya. Ngayon, masaya ako dahil ang boyfriend ko ay yung pinaka malapit na tao sa buhay ko. At napaka swerte ko dahil sayo ako ibinigay ni Lord. Ayoko ng isa isahin kung bakit dahil baka mag feeling ka nanaman. Pero seryoso, gusto kong malaman mo, maswerte ako sayo. At siguro alam mo na yun. PERO GUSTO KONG MALAMAN MO DIN NA MAS MASWERTE KA PADIN SAKEN KAHIT KUMAIN KA PA NG SAMPUNG PRITONG PALAKA.

Hindi na mahalaga kung ano pang sasabihin ng iba. MASAYA TAYO AT WALA NG IBA. Ang mahalaga, kilala natin ang isa't isa at mahal kita. Mahaba pa ang itatakbo ng panahon. Kung ikukumpara mo ang limang taon sa habang buhay, wala pa yun sa tuldok. Kaya sa totoo lang, hindi pa tayo matagal kung ang goal natin ay yung habang buhay. Pero wala naman tayong alam. Hindi natin alam kung mag sstraight forever na tayo o baka sa susunod na buwan, magbreak na tayo. Kung hindi man tayo para sa isa't-isa, wala akong pakialam. Basta ang alam ko, totoo tayo. At hindi tayo nangyari para mangyari lang. Nangyari tayo dahil dapat. :))At kung hindi man tayo ang magkatuluyan, tatlo ang sigurado, invited ka sa kasal ko at ninong ka ng lahat ng anak ko at kabit kita.

~ Dito na nagtatapos. Walang ending. Dahil ang love story natin, wala talagang ending! :))))

Ayoko ng magsulat dahil distracted na ang flow of ideas ko. HAHAHAHAHAHA

SA TOTOO LANG, HINDI KO ALAM KUNG BAKIT KO GINAWA 'TO. HAHAHA. ALAM KONG ALAM MO NA 'TO LAHAT PERO GUSTO KO MAY KOPYA AKO PARA PAG TANDA NATIN, IPAPABASA NATIN SA MGA APO NATIN. HAHAHAHA. AT SA TOTOO LANG DIN, GINAWA KO LANG 'TO PARA ANTUKIN AT NGAYONG INAANTOK NA KO, ITITIGIL KO NA. HAHAHAHA! HULAAN KO, HINDI MO TALAGA LAHAT 'TO BINASA. OSIGE NA. GOODNIGHT. I LOVE YOU. KIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSS :-*

TIME ENDED: 1:49AM

It's Complicated

Thursday, April 22, 2010

10:57 PM

April 20 of this year, 10:54 pm, we broke up for no reason. If ever there is, it is complicated. I love him and he loves me. That is no news. That is more likely to be part of the history already. Me and him.

Today is April 27. And I'm really, really confused. I just texted him to say that I love him but I'm not in love anymore. So crazy! Last April 20, we broke up. That's what it said above. But the reason "why" can’t reach my mind. I just agreed on what he wants. He needs space. He said it. Yes. And I couldn't believe I was hearing that from him though the way he said it seemed like it's not a serious matter. But now I understand what he was talking about. It's about the feelings. It's not that we don't love each other anymore. We do. In fact, we do love each other very much. This feeling is so complicated. It confuses me badly!

Ooooooh I finally got the word to describe what I think we BOTH feel for each other. 'coz it's really complicated when I say we love each other but we don't. Nobody will get if I say that. So I think the most appropriate is that, WE FELL OUT OF LOVE BUT WE CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER VERY MUCH! With that, I can start to explain what I feel.

Okay. So, ………………………….. I cant finish this tonight because the flow of my thoughts was interrupted! ('coz I read some of my entries here in OneNote!) So, Maybe I'll continue this tomorrow? If I still feel the same. Lol. Feelings vary all the time!

Today is April 28. And all that I said on here is nothing but a BIG DRAMA! Hahahaha! Nothing's complicated. I love him. He loves me. And it will never change. END OF STORY. Haha! I'm just confused last night. I told you. Feelings vary all the time. But most often that not, what you really feel stands up and wins. :)) There it goes… Our strong love bagged it all.

Maybe the reason why I didn't get to finish this last night was because, everything on here doesn't just make sense and I don't have to prolong the issue because it's not real anyway.

BABY, FORGET WHAT I SAID. I LOVE YOU AND THAT IS THE TRUEST THING THAT YOU SHOULD PUT IN MIND ALWAYS :)

Choosing is Confusing!

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

11:32 PM

I'm sleepy. But sleeping is not yet on my mind. I want to make use of these precious moments at home! Yeah. We do not have classes tomorrow 'til Friday. It's Saint Thomas day. I'm not sure if it's his birthday, I think it's his feast. Whatever.

I was grade VI then when I first wished for a digital diary. I'm very much fond of recording the daily happenings of my life then in a notebook. My classmate, Farrah, (oh I remember, it was first year high school) when she mentioned to me about his sister's digital diary given by their father. 'cause she was given a voice recorder which she brought the day we talked about the diary. From then on, I always wanted to have a digital diary! Like a laptop. And now, I have it. I can do whatever writings I want to do!! :)

I always love writing. I don't know why I chose journalism as my course. Honestly, when I clicked the course journalism in the list of the courses, I never thought I love to write because all I know is that, I always want to do hosting, stage performing, film, directing, you know, works that are probably works of those in the Mass Communication field. But I don't know, I landed to journalism. 'til now, I don't know if it is really for me because I don't think so. Yes. I love to write but not journalistically. Just free writing. Writing for expression. Expression of… everything! I want to write about those I'm interested in. News writing is boring. I'm telling you! I had it for one semester and it was not a happy subject. Somehow, it is interesting because you'll be making news to the public. And news is a news! But if ever I do news writing someday, I think I'll just do it because it's my job. If ever I master all the rules in news writing and become a very good writer, columnist or even an editor-in-chief, I think it will not give me the feeling of fulfillment. Because it's a different thing when you love what you are doing. You know you are satisfied when you have done a work with your heart in it. That you did it because you want to and you love doing it.

Heart: I WANT TO SHIFT COURSE!

Mind: BUT THERE ARE COMPLICATIONS. MOST OF THEM, YOU WONT LIKE.

I'm thinking of a really complicated situation. This confuses me and I can’t decide it myself. I need grace from God. I think that is the best thing to do. To wait for his plans. For now, I'll do my part. Study.

BIOLOGY LOVE

Sunday, January 24, 2010

6:41 PM

These past months, I believe I have this love growing for biology and sometimes I call it insanity. I hate the grading system. Actually not the system but the quizzes and all that! But aside from the inhumane quizzes, I love all about biology! I am really learning a lot and it is very much interesting! Mr. Olivar teaches the subject very well. Maybe because he loves what he is doing. He loves biology. And NatSci. And I think all the sciences!

I have colds and I drank an energy drink to avoid me from sleeping and unwanted feelings. I think it made me hyper. I'm going to read the new synthesis by F. Capra then the Unity of Method then Evolution and taxonomy!!!

Rizal's life affected me as I was reading it a while ago. What he had sacrificed was really a heroic did. Is there anything more heroic than to sacrifice your own life? Jose deserves to be called a hero. Perhaps a national hero. I'm a Rizalist now. Joke! Haha… I was not very much touched about his life. I just enjoyed reading his biography. It's interesting to read a life of a hero. It gives you a feeling that you were friends before because you know even those silly stuff about him. Am I making sense? I don't care.

I'll study. Bye!

CHRISTMAS!

Friday, December 25, 2009

5:39 PM

I'm here in my room. listening to slow songs.. I don't know why. :) I'm not feeling merry that much. I hate it when people become too drunk that they become separated from themselves like crazy! I'm always up to "out of self acts" whenever there is an occasion. I want to celebrate and party all night is okay as long as they wont make any disturbance!!!! Anyway, Christmas is Christmas. So, Merry Christmas! :)

When Insanity Strikes

Friday, December 11, 2009

8:39 PM

I'm sick. Not literally sick. Sick in emotions and feelings! There are so many things bombarding me right now. I feel like I want to cry. But I can’t cause I can help it. I keep on convincing my mind that everything will be okay because that is what I strongly believe. Christmas is fast approaching and it's a good thing. But somehow bad. I don’t know if it's because of Christmas fever or just because of my procrastination and lack of focus. Or maybe, it is because of so much love that causes so much of the thinking and imagination which sometimes consume the time needed for study. No. I'm sure it is not because of it. I've been in love for four years and more! I know my priorities. Anyway, so what pushes me down from studying? Well, this may be an effect of the Christmas season but I know it myself that I still study no matter what. I can’t come to school without knowing anything that is needed to be read or whatever. I think, it is just that this is not my month. And I have to accept it that not everyday is a lucky day. And not always we are on the top. Sometimes we really need to experience failure.

Worries. Those I'm speaking of. He called and we just ended our conversation. And I felt madness suddenly. Sometimes I really don't like his attitude but those that I don’t like about him are still part of him that I love. He can't understand me. I need to explain every single detail of things to him! Because we're totally different person. And I think that is the challenge of love. Sometimes I feel like we’re very alike and compatible and all but sometimes I feel like I do not know him. But one thing for sure is that I love him. For what he is. Sometimes I want him to be like me. To think like I do. That is one thing I do not like about me. But that is me. And he is what he is. The thing is, we are two different persons and the challenge for us is to accept everything about our personalities. That is love, I think.

One thing more! I'm often like this. Speaking like I know everything. That is another thing I don’t like about myself but I can’t help it no more because that is part of me.

I'm sleepy but still thinking of HIM and how mad I am! I am also thinking of what we did lately. In their house and the strolling.. I love it! I love him. The truth is that, I need him in my life. I'm so much attached to him the same as he is so much attached to me already. And sometimes it's hard to distinguish if it is real love or just a need. That is a different story but another worry.

I need him sincerely in my life. I don’t know how to deal with life anymore without him. I need him not just because of the affection and that but also, I need him more importantly because he is my one true friend. :)

I have to eat and sleep. So many things to be done by tomorrow. I CAN DO THIS! I love You Lord!

I'm done eating. This is 20 minutes ago.

I open my laptop again because while I was eating, I saw the ending of "Lovers in Paris" the Filipino one and the quote they said in the last part just got my attention. it was something like.. "Masarap mainlove sa telenovela, pero mas masarap mainlove sa tunay na buhay dahil sa tunay na buhay, walang katapusan. Kahit lumabas na ang credits at nawala na ang mga bida. Dahil ang love sa tunay na buhay ay walang happy ending. Wala itong katapusan at pwedeng magsimula ng paulit-ulit." That is what it says.. I just love the quote. I remember during my bitter days. It was summer of fourth year when WE broke up. I have this favorite quote that reads like that… Maybe you heard this already. "Love doesn't have a happy ending because love doesn't have an ending" the other is "HAPPINESS is a matter of CHOICE". Hahahaha! Yes. It sounds cheesy but it's true because I've proved it. It's really nice to be IN LOVE it's just that, you have to be ready ALWAYS to take the risk to chances of getting hurt. I've been hurt so many times. And I'm sure I've hurt him many times also but not as many as I got hurt!!! But Look! Four years is quite a lifetime. And we are still together facing our indifferences everyday. I guess, it is true love that we have and I just hope that that true love can make us better persons and help us grow as two different individuals. Well, I became matured when I started to love him UNCONDITIONALLY. The way I talk, the way I deal with things, the way I look at life and future were all changed to somehow better perspective. A matured one. Guess that is just one magic of love. It transforms a person. Right?

I HAVE TO SLEEP BECAUSE I NEED TO MEMORIZE THE PHILIPPINES TOMORROW. Literally.

MIND IT!!

Friday, November 27, 2009

10:22 PM

Hi! I just want to make use of my precious time while I'm still not sleepy. I don't know if my sentence is correct or the use of words are right but I'm telling you, I think I'm a better writer now. LOL. So, let us start this before I say goodnight. There are so many things that are running in my mind and sometimes I think that I am great because of that. Like now. I always want to be the better, if not, the best. But not all the time! Only when I feel to. Am I talking weird? No. I'm not. I assure you! I'm just really too expressive of my feelings and I always prefer to write whatever is on my mind. Okay, so let me just enumerate the things that are bothering me, actually not bothering…they're just thoughts. Haha. So now, there are all gone! Joy just came in and all the thoughts that I was thinking were all gone! I don't take them now as big deal. But to kill the excitement of the reader is not my thing. So, I'll continue anyway. (no one reads this. So if you are reading this, then you're lucky)

WORRIES (before)/THOUGHTS/ANYTHING/IRRELEVANT

My laptop has a problem! I'm not sure if it's the audio speaker. I guess not. But I've been hearing some kind of a "soft thunder" sound since yesterday and I'm worried it might get worse. While I was watching Scary Movie 3 "that" sound never ceased! And it was the first time it did not stop. It's really cricking damn! But now, it's gone. I don't know when to go for consultation on the store where I bought this or if there is a need for me to go there! So freaking ass.

There I go…. Here are the thoughts coming back.

Sometimes I really look at myself so dull and gray. Just an ordinary, assuming, and trying hard person who cries when seeing a sad movie. And sometimes and more often, like now, I think of myself like I'm really good! Artistic in everyway, intelligent, creative, has a good sense of everything! You know, sometimes I think I'm all. But of course not and I know I will never be. There's nothing wrong with thinking by the way. You know, I talk a lot. I think I know many things and I feel that I really have this good senses like I know what is going to happen but not like a premonition or whatever supernatural. It's just I think, I think better. That I always know what should be done or not and what might happen or not. Do you get my point? And I'm really good in reading minds or knowing the attitude of a person just at first meeting. Maybe that is the reason why I wanted to take up psychology and I'm always excited about it before and still now but not very anymore. Well, I'm going far from what I want to give emphasis on but this one I'm talking about is part of my thoughts. Just as I was writing the sentence before this, I found out how powerful and amazing the mind is and I guess this is what God wants me to know that is why he asked me to go open my laptop because I'm going to discover an important thing. You know, we learn from ourselves when we listen thoroughly to what really our minds are trying to say. O.MG. I think Plato and Aristotle and all other philosophers have affected the way I think. LOL! But what I speak of now are all true because I'm speaking of myself. Who would know yourself best? It's you and you alone. Do you want me to continue? Okay. Going back to the "thoughts" that I'm really referring to. The dull and the creative one. I sometimes think I'm dull and nothing when... I think I am like those. (again, mind speaks!) What I was thinking lately about this is that I think I'm dull because sometimes inside the classroom, there are many greater kids than me and they are even better in expressing what they want to say in better language than me where in fact, in reality I think and I think so, that the way I think is a lot better than them and I guess that is the reality according to my mind. But just as I was writing the statement above, the one when I said I think I'm dull..the thought "when I think I am" came rushing into my mind where in fact, it is not really what I want to say and I've said it. You see how powerful the mind? Even your own thoughts opposes it. GREAT RIGHT? But there is even greater than that. The one who made it. :) so, have a nice sleep darling.

I think I've said it all. I'm sleepy. The main point is MIND IS POWERFUL AND AMZING. IT MAKES YOU CRAZY. I love my mind!

Let me say something important before totally ending this entry. Well, do you understand what I really meant or did you get the main point or in simplest question, do you understand the whole thing? It's okay if you can't. This entry is MY MIND from 10:22-11:06. I wasn't able to write all because I told you, mind is really great! It does great things even the impossible ones. But I'm glad I've written the summary of what I was thinking just thirty minutes ago. I told you, I just don't want to waste my precious time while I'm still not sleepy but now, I can feel it all over. GOODNIGHT.

Love is Cheesy! (you can do nothing about that)

Monday, November 23, 2009

4:24 PM

I admit. He is not the perfect boyfriend. He is not even the exact man that I wanted nor wished for. He gets angry easily. When he gets mad he could not think of any… All he knows is that he hates me for what I did. He is a kind of a bully, which I’m now used to. He is a crybaby. He breaks promises, he is not listening when I talk about nonsense, and he always seeks for equal affection and fair giving out about everything! He loves to gossip. He can’t keep secrets! He is loud and shy at the same time. He doesn’t want to see me quiet when I’m with him because he knows that it’s my way of saying “hindi na ko natutuwa sayo bwiset!” We argue about silly things and fight over the phone in the middle of the night trying to defend what we believe is right. He hangs up or I hang up and whoever hangs the phone up, will automatically call back again and restart the arguments where in fact, what we both want is just to end the fighting. We can’t sleep ‘till the problem gets okay. And in the morning, we’ll laugh at the thing we fought about and tease who cried! Sometimes we’re like children. He cries whenever I’m about to end our relationship. Though he knows that it will not happen, he still cries because he gets hurt. He gets jealous when I often tell him stories about whoever guy is close to me. He rejects my stories and changes the topic. He misses me when I’m about to leave. It makes him feel that I’m miles away from him. When I’m with him, He doesn’t let me sleep unless I lean on his chest. When we are walking, he always makes me feel that I’m safe and protected by the hold of his hand on mine. He kisses me like there’s no tomorrow. He gives me sweet hugs when I’m feeling cold or he feels that I’m sad and whenever he has the chance. He never fails to say I love you before I go to sleep. We share secrets, problems, insights, thoughts and everything. We know each other well. We are very good the friends. When I have worries or problems, he would normally sing to me or make me laugh and he always does well! All of my doubts and fears go away when I’m with him. It’s like everything I know suddenly vanishes and in one time, all I could think of is him and us. He gives me this feeling of security when we’re together. It’s like no harm will come my way because he’s there to protect me. Some may like him and some may not. Whichever way, I love him still. He is the man that I want to spend eternity with. I know there is no such thing as perfect but I believe he is the perfect one for me. I did not look for him nor did he come to me. We both found each other and for no reason, we fell in love. I didn’t expect this kind of feeling but now, it does. And I’m sure that it is love that exists between the two of us. Yes, it feels like cloud 9 but exactly, it feels like hell when nothing goes right. They say that is what it feels like and it’s true. Yes, there is no such thing as perfect and forever but love will make you strive to achieve it and make you believe that both things are real…

Maybe this sounds cheesy. Yes I know. Nobody reads this anyway. This is me who is genuinely writing my feelings freely………………...

A New Synthesis

Saturday, November 21, 2009

7:57 PM

Oh! This paper sucks! We have to do a reaction paper or what? I'm not even sure what we're going to do about that paper! It is biology. I think it is about the synthesis of life. I read few pages of it. The first two. And it is so boring! How can I construct a paper with my heart on it if I can’t understand the paper that we are going to critique, react, reflect or summarize! Whatever darling! The topic "life" is interesting and I love biology during my high school but to write a paper and connect it to social science? Oh baby. That's a no, no! maybe I just have to understand it. When I understand it, that's the only time that I will be able to make the paper. How I wish I have the eagerness to do it. Academic assignments are always NOT GOOD. I can't say it's bad because I'm learning from it. Anyway! I must finish it tonight because tomorrow I'll be back in Manila :(( I still haven't decided if I'll bring my laptop or just leave it here and let it take a break! LOL. I can use it in the library with its charger but not in the dormitory! I'll have a rubber shoes in my bag and that is quite a heavy load for me. If I'm going to bring this, that will be double the load! Imma cry now. :(( I'll take a bath and start the paper!

2012

Saturday, November 21, 2009

6:48 PM

I would like to make a critical analysis about the movie I just recently watched, 2012. There is this prediction that they got from the "Mayan Calendar" which I do not have an idea what is it all about, that the earth will end on December 21, 2012. No, this is not a critique, I would prefer to call this… whatever! Name it. Anyway, The movie 2012 just got my very attention with regards to the future. Well, the movie was really awesome! Call it everything fantastic. It was really is. I did not expect that that movie will have a strong impact to me the way I think of the future. What if the predictions are real? Of course the things that they showed in the movie will not be exactly as it were if ever "end of the world" will hit us in 2012. fear is not the main point that I feel about the year 2012 (Though of course, I'm afraid that it might happen), the feeling of loss is what I am up to. I just can't imagine how that "end" will destroy the human race and everything about human, natural and artificial. Imagine the most awful thing that you can imagine! Cars exploding, lands cracking, buildings destroying, volcanoes erupting, waves swallowing almost everything, families breaking apart and people dying everywhere…AWFUL. Isn't it? I am thinking that if it will really happen, is there a way that we will be able to save the world? If we can, then how? And if we have no choice but to die, and we died just for an example, where will the earth be? Where will we go? To heaven? I believe there is such thing as heaven. Of course. Because I strongly believe in our Creator, the Lord (with no doubt at all). Maybe that is why I am not afraid about the end of the world and also maybe because I am not convinced that it is yet to happen.

People watched that movie or people who have heard of that "end of the world in 2012" might feel the fear when they first hear about it but after a day or two, people will not be seeing it as big deal as they saw it just after watching or just after hearing about it because what they are concerned about is the present and we still have today. The present is the reality and the truth. For as long as we live, we should be happy because we all know that life ends, no life does not. So why be worried about 2012? If it is true then we still have 2 years and more to live and be happy. After that, God has a plan for each of us. Maybe he wants a new world for us. A different one and a better one. :)

-I'm telling you! The movie has a big impact to me. It even made me write about it!!! I still have a paper to do and I guess that it is more important than this one I'm doing. But I gave this more importance than that! LOL. Watch it. It's a sad movie than amazing and yet inspiring :) wait! The last sentence before this is sort of literary. Oh wow. Should I explain or you got what I meant? Watch it! You'll know what I'm talking about! I'm crazy. Bye.

PET LOVE

Friday, October 30, 2009

11:39 PM

A new baby arrived just this morning. We haven't decided about the name but he is a boy. And another pet! It's a kitten. But not an ordinary one, every pet we had is no ordinary FOR US. We give them an extraordinary love and care… Isn't it obvious that the whole family is pet lover? Anyway, the kitten is really lovely. He is white! As white as you can imagine with touch of light orange and I think he has some black spots but certainly not dark and one can't notice it unless you stare at him hardly! Every pet that comes is an add to the family. Pets really add happiness in life. It's true. I don't know if I'm just being so emotional about pets but I believe they really do add color in life because I have proved it. :) Oh, he is crying now…

Suggested names for the new baby

Ranger

Coco

Tiyago

The names are kinda unusual for pets! But all of our pets have unusual names. We usually get their names from teleseryes and we choose the silly ones. Most of the time, pet names are my mother's fault.

APRIL 27, 2010!!! LOL. RANGER! THAT'S THE NAME! AND I HAVE TO SAY THIS! SHE IS NOT A BOY. HAHAHAHA! WE JUST NOTICED IT (well, my father did) WHEN SHE WAS, I THINK 3-MONTH OLD. LOL! AT FIRST, I CAN HARDLY BELIEVE AND IT TOOK ME ALMOST A MONTH TO ACCEPT THE FACT THAT SHE IS A GIRL! HAHA! ANYWAY, I LOVE HER. :)

WELCOME!

Hey, these are all from MS OneNote but I had the thought of posting it as blog online. I don't advertise this to friends or what… I just want it online so I can see it anytime in ANY computer. If you accidentally see this blog page, then you're very welcome! Plus, FEEL FREE TO LEAVE YOUR COMMENTS!

AND FOLKS, THIS IS MORE LIKE A WEB DIARY. :)

HAVE A GOOD DAY!